The needs of others

How different is our perception compared to others? Very, when you don't know all the facts that influence the situation. I know I shouldn't have, but I looked at my girlfriend's online diary, which I know she intended to be away from my eyes. Reading it, only then did I see how fully she felt and how such feelings contrasted my own. More than ever, now, I know that I am not at all fulfilling her needs. She needs someone there to support her, care and love her. In the last few months, I have done very little of that. I have not fulfilled her needs as I should have, as a friend and boyfriend- I've been found lacking. I'm so sorry. In actuality, I've focused more on my own because I did not know the situations playing-out in her life and the outcomes and effects they have had on her. I feel ashamed at myself for not placing her needs, for support and care, above my own for attention and affection. What love have my actions portrayed other than ruthless self-love? I'm not sure what's going on anymore in our relationship. I want to be there for her, but now I don't even know how. I'm ashamed for not placing her needs above my own. I feel like I've been not only a bad boyfriend, but a bad person. I feel as though I have yet again failed someone so dear, all for the sake of wreckless pride. To close this seemingly rant-like post, I shall once again affirm, I'm ashamed for not placing Ash's needs above my own.