And this where I also realize my fault, in placing fantasy above reality, illusion above truth, Rex above love. No-wonder my gf feels the way she does, considering that she is placed second to a voice-to illusion; an illusion that doubts love itself; an illusion that leads me to doubt that she loves me. Now I see, finally, the toll this is taking upon her; the cruel affect that this has upon her.
I am left seemingly with a choice- to choose love or choose Rex; to choose reality or to choose illusion. The choice is made difficult because I can not discern reality from fantasy. I forget so quickly what is real and what is not. Hence, I must return to this post frequently- reading it over and over again, to absorb what it really means to be writing this.
My choice affects not only me, but even more-so, the people I love, especially Ash. So, I'm left with the choice in the end, to choose her- to choose love, or to choose Rex- illusion.
I am reminded of a powerful scene in the movie The Beautiful Mind, where Tom (I think his name is), who is suffering from schizophrenia, asks his wife what is real. She responds in a meaningful gesture, taking his hand to her heart and says: 'This is real.'
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